Part Four: Chasing the ball of life.

Humans are creatures of the earth, flesh and blood animals that possess an innate, youthful urge to move, to dart wildly in a celebratory merge of body, mind, and soul. Just like a healthy dog, we need exercise, not only to mechanically grease the inner workings of our physical entity but to also rest the mind and feed the imaginative seedlings of the soul.

Parkinson’s makes all activity hard, just a slip away from disaster on a tightrope walk above depression’s muddy swamp. In “The Lost Intruder,” I discovered that facing physical challenges—both simple and complex—would leave me with a mental high, sometimes lasting for days. I’ve learned since DBS surgery that an intense workout is at times the only tool remaining between me and despair.

During my two-year psychological recovery from DBS—I hesitate to write with such finality, as the process continues—I successfully isolated myself from most people. Probably done from a subconscious understanding, and overcompensation, that what I needed most was the solitude of reflection, the ensuing seclusion has proven incredibly difficult to overcome. I still can’t tolerate small talk and am quick to stop a budding relationship in its tracks if I sense underlying superficiality.

It makes for many lonely hours. Maybe, for the first time in my life, I am feeling the actual, utter emptiness that surrounds once dispelled of most life distractions, like alcohol and the constant background chatter of TV or radio. It’s not just being around people, it’s regularly connecting with them on a deeper plane in a manner that is fresh and new. A tall order, indeed. Slowly, it seems that I am resurrecting my old cadre of friends, but on a more complex level, and in rare circumstances making new, meaningful friendships.

It can be a tortuously slow road, but I do see progress in my journey. I suspect there are others afflicted with Parkinson’s, and other chronic diseases, who tread a similar path but are not engaging in regular physical activity. My advice: try exercising. Do anything; just move. Chasing the ball of life can be hard work, but it can still be fun if you put a spring in your paws, a smile on your snout, and you share with a friend.

#livingwithparkinsons #thelostintruder #peterhuntbooks #dbssurgery

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