Round two (or was that 200?)

Life sometimes travels in circles, compelling us to confront similar challenges over and over. Maybe the core problem with breaking free from these recurring themes is that the goal—whether consciously or unconsciously considered—has not been met; perhaps the necessary life lesson has not yet been experienced.

Parkinson’s progression serves as a good example. Even before successful Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) surgery, I knew that my increased capabilities would be temporary, waiting for who knows what to ignite the progressive nature of my disease once again.

It has begun. Parkinson’s has shrugged off the positive impact of DBS and is back to dragging me in a familiar direction, back to that feeling of an immobile, isolated helplessness. So, where is my power?

The medical bag of tricks is empty, with more medication the only option is to salvage a few scattered hours of reasonably stable mind and body from the day, for now. Old lessons are relearned, tactics are refurbished for nuanced differences. I prepare myself for the inevitable.

And here lies my power: the acceptance of what is to come in all its twisted beauty. I am not my body or my mind. Ultimately, I am all that I need. At the core of my being, smiling at life in all its colors of deceit, I am. Come and get me.

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