Stuck

Spending more time stuck physically and psychologically with each passing day is a defining attribute of Parkinson’s disease. The disease physically incapacitates, freezing the afflicted in place, unable to move or speak, making it feel impossible to breathe.

Parkinson’s has not impacted me yet to this point of complete immobility, but I get close enough to sense it coming. The psyche compliments the physical freeze with what feels like a heavy, wet blanket of temporary but debilitating apathy. And then, miraculously within minutes, the paralysis vanishes as the medication’s artificial dopamine takes effect. It is a liberating sensation that requires more and more pills over time as the drug loses effectiveness.

Eventually, the artificial dopamine stops working. It can sometimes seem too much to handle, but with nature’s innate mercy, a person grows accustomed to the frequent life disruptions. If allowed, humans have an extraordinary way of assimilating discomfort as it transmutes into resilience.

Ironically, my project of self-discovery is also prone to extended periods of being stuck: these pauses, a spiritual nadir, trigger new trials, notably insomnia incited panic. Living life authentically by grappling with pain and terror devoid of filter gradually frees me, finally permitting me to continue down the path I have chosen. Never pleasant, always difficult, it is still life’s most gratifying contest.

For friends and family who are suffering their own life’s tragic rendition, here is a gentle reminder of life’s sole promise: we will all die. Make the gift of your time on this earth meaningful.

Learn from your struggle, exercising creation’s alchemy to flourish in your challenge. Shake off the individuality of your labor by treating every fellow human being and all living things with grace’s dignities of love and respect. Live courageously as is known in your heart to be in service of your soul.

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